


It's Damn Exhausting

by Delilah2040



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Eddie Diaz, Chris-centric, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Christopher Diaz, M/M, Misunderstandings, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, Sad Christopher Diaz, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Sad with a Happy Ending, Trigger Warning Mentions of Past Attempted Suicide, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24787429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delilah2040/pseuds/Delilah2040
Summary: Under the impression that he is "exhausting" and ruining his dad's life, Chris decides to run away. Buck interrupts his plans and they talk.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 534





	It's Damn Exhausting

Eddie had had a hard day at work, it was a long and gruelling shift that felt as if it would go on forever. He was exhausted and mad at the world for it and when he saw Carla's warm motherly expression, eyes filled with concern, he couldn't help but let out a shaky breath. 

"I helped him with his homework but don't let him tell you he finished it all because he hasn't there's still maths. I also popped on a load of laundry and cleaned the dishes for you," Carla informs him in a tone that implies she was just doing the bare minimum despite clearly having done far more than he was paying her for. He felt overwhelmed with gratitude and couldn't help but unload his feelings on her, his own eyes tearing up a bit. 

Chris sat with a yellow pencil clutched tight in his fist at the kitchen bench ferociously trying to get Buck's hair right as he attempted to listen in to what his dad and Carla were talking about. 

He knew he shouldn't be doing it, that eavesdropping was naughty but tonight was Friday, that meant Buck was coming over to watch movies and so maybe his Daddy was talking to Carla about Buck. And if he was then, of course, Chris wanted to hear, he had to make sure his dad wasn't saying anything mean. 

He stops colouring when he hears his name come up in the adults' conversation. 

"I don't know what I'd do without you Carla, raising Chris," He hears his dad pause, "It's really hard, there's just so much to think of, I have to help him do such simple things and work is hard, its damn exhausting," Chris feels like he's been stabbed in the heart at hearing his fathers words. He knew he wasn't a normal child of course and because of that, he knew he was more difficult to look after than most kids, he just hadn't realised how much. 

He was exhausting. 

Chris can feel his eyes begin to well with tears and his bottom lip begin to tremble. 'Maybe that's why mum left the first time' a small voice whispers in the back of his head. Within seconds, Chris had come to the realisation that he was ruining his dads' life. And so he makes his way, as quietly as he can, to his bedroom and pulls out the biggest backpack he owned. 

He spends hours carefully sifting through his things, picking what toys to bring and what clothes he'd need when out living on the street. He thinks maybe he could live under a bridge like the homeless people in movies do. And he wouldn't need to go to school anymore because what's that even for anyway. 

Eddie doesn't check in on Chris when he finishes talking to Carla, he can hear him moving things around in his room as he walks past and briefly wonders what he's doing but decides to leave him to whatever he was doing and have a short nap until Buck got there. 

By the time Chris heard his dad open the door to welcome Buck in, he had already filled the backpack as much as possible- it looked as if it would burst at the seams- and what now trying to decide between the two jackets sitting on his bed as to which would be better for living on the streets. 

Chris didn't hear Buck walking towards his room, too concerned with the difficult choice in front of him. Bucks cheerful knock on the door only gave Chris enough time to look up before the door was opening, pushing some of the clothes strewn across the floor back. 

Buck's cheerful smile drops the moment he sees Chris's watery eyes. The firefighter's eyes fill with concern as they dart between the boy and the bag behind him. 

"Chris, what are you doing?" Buck's voice is so soft and filled with concern that it makes Chris start crying even harder. 

"I'm running away," He replies through sobs. "It's for the best," He had been so focussed on how he was ruining his dads' life that he didn't even think about how he was ruining Buck's too now. Buck was a grown man and he was being forced to come to watch kids movies with him on Friday nights instead of going out as other adults do. 

"Oh kid, why would you think that?" Buck asks closing the door behind him and slowly making his way to the bed as if not to startle him. 

"I make dads life harder, and I make your life worse too, I'm- I- I- I'm exhausting!" Buck's eyes go wide and he has to restrain himself from just pulling Chris into a hug as he breaks down in front of him. Instead, Buck places a hand on his back, sitting next to him. 

"Chris, you aren't exhausting, why would you ever think that?" 

"I- I heard Daddy say that to Carla," Buck's hand freezes from where he had been rubbing soothing circles on Chris's back. He knew his best friend would never truly think that way about his son, knew that he loved the boy more than anything, but he also knew how he doesn't always think through the effects of his words, especially when emotional. And Buck knew just how exhausting and emotionally challenging that day had been.

"Chris, buddy, come here," Buck says opening his arms up so the boy could crawl into his lap. Chris's arms instantly wrap around Buck's torso, his tiny hands gripping the material of his t-shirt tight. "Have you noticed that I don't really talk about my parents?" he asks feeling Chris's nod against his chest. "Well, it's because I don't really have a good relationship with them, you see, they weren't exactly nice people,"

Buck stops taking a deep breath. "They used to tell me they didn't want me, or that i wasn't good enough for them, I don't think I ever heard them say that they were proud of me, or that they loved me," Chris sniffles into Bucks shirt, listening intently. 

"Maddie is a bit older than me, she looked after me a lot, I always went to her when i was upset because mum and dad would just tell me to suck it up, but one day, and I'll always remember this, it was just before Maddie ran off to be with Doug and I don't even remember what I was upset about but I went to her and she said to me, 'God Evan, you make my life so much harder,' and it really hurt because I didn't want to be a burden on her," Buck says softly, trying to push away the emotion that came with the story. "And so I decided it would be best for everyone if I left,"

Chris lifts his head up so he can look the older man in the eye. "You mean you ran away?"

Buck freezes for a moment, unsure what to say to Chris, unsure if it was appropriate for him to tell him exactly what he meant. "Not quite," Buck says hesitantly and Chris tilts his head looking at him contemplatively. He shuffles in his lap as if trying to get closer to Buck, eyebrows furrowing. 

"Did you try to kill yourself?" The kid asks, voice soft and gentle; as if he was the adult.

At first, Buck is surprised at Chris's understanding and knowledge and then he realises that this kid has been through so much of course he would be far smarter and more mature than would be expected for his age. 

"Maddie found me in the bathroom, barely conscious and there was a lot of blood. She saved me and told me how much she loved me and that even though I made her life harder, she wouldn't change it and it was worth it because she loved me so much," Chris looks up at him, a mix of shock and admiration displayed behind his glasses.

"Your dad loves you, so much Chris, he doesn't care that it's difficult looking after you, none of us do, we love you so much and we wouldn't change a thing," Suddenly, Buck feels Chris launch himself back into his chest, his curls tickling his neck. 

"Hey, Bucky,"

"Yeah, superman?"

"You know we love you too right? and we're proud of you," Buck has to look up to the ceiling in an attempt to stop the tears from running down his cheeks. Objectively, he knew that they loved him, but hearing the words, that just made everything feel more real. 

"What do you say we go out and talk to your dad, tell him how we're feeling and see how we can all help each other and make things better?" Buck suggests hesitantly. Chris nods slowly but doesn't get up so Buck takes the hint and stands up, holding the boy tight to his chest and carrying him out to the kitchen where Eddie was stirring something in a pot on the stove. 

"Ah there are my boys, I was wondering where you two got to," He says, his face lighting up as his eyes land on his son in his best friend's arms. Buck loved that look on Eddie but it only stays for a moment as he takes notice of the way Chris was clutching the fabric in front of him tight and how he had yet to lift his head from where his face was buried in the crook of Buck's neck. 

Eddie comes up close in front of Buck, placing a hand on the centre of Chris's back just as Buck had done earlier. "Hey Chris, what's wrong?"

Chris finally lifts his head, turning in Buck's arms to face his dad and with a trembling lip says "I'm sorry I'm so exhausting," before turning to hide his face once more. Eddie's eyes flit up to Buck's wide with shock and panic. 

"He heard you tell Carla," He whispers trying to keep the accusatory tone from slipping into his voice. Eddies eyebrows furrow in confusion for a moment before shooting up to his hairline in realisation. "How about we go sit on the couch and talk about this?" Buck says softly and somewhat awkwardly. He could acknowledge at this point that it wasn't exactly normal for him to be in this position, he wasn't Chris's parent, he and Eddie weren't dating, as much as he wanted them to be, he wasn't family, as much as he considered them to be his own. 

Eddie nods in agreement and follows Buck as he leads them to the living room now. Once they're seated, Eddie's knee pressing into Buck's thigh Eddie tries to explain himself. 

"Chris, I don't know what you think you heard, but I never said you were exhausting, I mean yes, there's a lot of things to think about but I don't mind. I did tell Carla that work was hard and exhausting today, is that what you heard," Chris stops shaking but keeps his head turned into Buck's neck. "Christopher, will you please look at me,"

Chris does as asked, keeping his cheek against Buck's chest, right over his heart. "There you are," Eddie says with a small smile. "I don't think you're exhausting baby, I promise, I love you so much, more than anything else in the whole world," 

"More than Bucky?" Chris asks sounding slightly offended as if the thought of his dad not loving Buck as much as he loves him was some great offence. 

"Well, I love you both more than anything or anyone else in this world or any other," Eddie rephrases, eyes locking with Buck's shocked ones. He knew this was something that they would need to talk about, he couldn't exactly brush off the fact that he told his best friend that he loves him as much as he loves his own child, that wasn't exactly normal for a friendship and they both knew it. 

Chris launches himself across Buck's lap and into Eddies, holding onto his dad tight. Buck props his bottom lip out in exaggerated pout at being abandoned, one that upon seeing, makes Eddie laugh. "Come on, get over here," He tells his best friend before letting out an 'ooft' as Buck does just that, almost crushing them with his overeager love. No one minds one bit.


End file.
